photo by Matt Lambert
The story of how “You Will Find It” came to be, in Mykki’s own words:
I was sitting in my dining room in Lisbon at some point in 2018 when producer FaltyDL (Drew Lustman) first sent me the instrumental that would be the skeleton of “You Will Find It.” The instrumental opened up with the sound of a reed flute and what seemed to be a meditation bowl and then Drew himself softly singing the words "you need to find it" over and over in this beautiful but ominous chant. I was instantly awestruck because there was such a yearning there, there was such a beautiful melancholy and I felt the vibrations of this track deep and it echoed my own yearning. Drew and I had become so close working together on my new album, I found someone that I hadn't felt this kind of creative synergy with in a long time, and I was really ready to dive deeper into composing music really focusing on building songs from scratch and creating our own samples.
At the time, my personal life was kinda shitty, I was unhappy in my relationship of 3 years, and I was unhappy with the situation with the label services company I was with at the time. After having a pretty hardcore drug relapse in Berlin (the day after I shot my album cover), I flew to Vietnam to detox and to try and make sense of what was happening to my life. Why did I always seem to have to prove myself over and over again to industry people? Is HIV still just the first thing that any of those people think when they hear my name? All my insecurities bubbled up and the questions left me feeling empty. Musically, the result was that this gem of a song sat as an interlude for about 7 months or so as I joined a Butoh school in Northern India.
When I found myself ready to record with Drew again, we got to work and put in weeks and weeks of studio time across NYC, LA, and Lisbon. I ended my relationship and I got sober for a while. Drew and I had a lot of material at this point and one day when I was arranging the songs, I had a new thought.... something else is here, this moment - it can't just exist as an interlude. No, I wanted this to be more than a brief moment on the record, I wanted it to linger. Drew and I went back into the production with fresh ears and things started to take a new shape.
I had been a fan of Devendra Banhart since I was a 17, a junior in high school living in the Bay Area. I found myself there after running away from home in North Carolina to NYC. My mom sent me to California to live with my grandparents. I got kicked out of that living situation and my mom had to rent a room for me in this house full of Stanford University college kids. It seems kinda weird that my mom would have not just made me come back home but there was a whole situation with the school system in North Carolina trying to hold me back 2 years so I couldn't go back there and I had vowed to my mom that I would not mess up this time - a last straw kinda deal. So though I wasn't paying for shit, I was living on my own at 17. I was now being good - doing my homework and not cutting class and getting up early to make sure I was at school on time. But I still had a shit ton of freedom and I lived only 30 minutes on the train from San Francisco. This was the heyday of freak folk and I was turned onto Devendra by my best friend’s older beatific cousin. It was just the coolest fucking music I had ever experienced live up until that point. Devendra, Vetiver, Joanna Newsom, it was just electrifying to me, I had never seen people put so much soul and earth and magic and sexy cool alchemy on the stage and in the lyrics. Devendra was quoting William Butler Yeats "Golden Apples of the Sun!" And then I was getting turned on to Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell and Tim Buckley and Syd Barrett and Buffy Sainte-Marie and taking mushrooms in Golden Gate Park and never having a bedtime and dumpster diving from California Pizza Kitchen and buying books from City Lights Bookstore and reading the Jazz poems of Bob Kaufman and the modernist poetry of Mina Loy and I was a groupie and I was whatever I said I was, and I was 17.
Fast forward to now: I wanted to make a song with Devendra. I wanted to make a song with one of my heroes just like a few years ago when I made a song with Kathleen Hanna. I had met him a few times now playing the same festivals in Europe and he was just open and it felt like a full circle moment. I could honestly say a lot about this song - I mean Devendra not only sings on the record, but he plays. He's not just a feature, he is now in the blood of the song, he's a part of the composition. It felt right to release this song now, I felt like I had this capsule of really good energy and I needed to release it now and not wait but let the vibe be felt now in this really anxious moment, that it can feel like a light hearted mini mediation in all the current noise.
The lyrics to this song are pretty simple, they’re my real life shit, my queer fucking hippy shit, (it's like, yes I want to have really amazing sex, and then light some sage and palo santo and put on Lady Gaga). The song goes into my spiritual thing. A lot of people are into the witchcraft thing and voodoo and I respect that, there is a lot of power in ancestor worship but I'm a God Girl, like I'm a one god kinda girl. I wrote this song during the HOT GIRL SUMMER so I had to throw in a little nod to Megan Thee Stallion because she makes me feel empowered. I love hippie dudes, I really do, and I want us as human beings to be good to Gaia - I mean look at the state where in right now - Mother Earth is literally weeping - rebelling- were sitting- thank god let her breathe.
"You Will Find It" for me = You will find it Mykki, you will work and you will find your place, you will grow, you will find it, you will find and keep finding aspects of yourself that make you a work in progress, you will find it - you will find maybe more than one love but each love will hopefully bring you closer to continuing to love on yourself.
I love working with Drew, I love what Devendra contributed to this song, and I'm happy this moment is going to be released.
MYKKI BLANCO online:
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